2015

3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

Romans 5:3-5

You ladies have gone through so much and I pray that you get your miracle babies soon!! Here’s wishing you not a Happy New Year, but a HOPEFUL New Year

God Winks

I was watching Hoda and Kathy Lee today and here is one of the stories they covered while promoting a book called “God Winks.”

This story brought a tear to my eye and I was reminded that out God is all about LIFE!! In the Garden of Eden? Life in its infancy. In the resurrection of Jesus? Life for not only His son, but life eternal for His people. In the barren-Sarah, Rebecca, Rachael, Hannah, Elizabeth? Life that spawns generations! Even in you? God is unchanging. He only gives life and I said a prayer of life over all of you today. I am believing that God will wink at all of you soon!

(And, if you wink at your hubby today, that couldn’t hurt the cause either, right?).

Stay strong, friends!

It’s a Wonderful Life

Please don’t skip this post. I would like to take some time to encourage you because the Christmas season sucks to people dealing with grief, especially a couple unable to have children. After all, part of the magic of the holiday is seeing the joy and wonder on a child’s face as they celebrate the season. Plus, if you spend any time in church, you are reminded of a baby, and that can cause a bit of conflict in your emotions. Keep that in your back pocket for a bit…

This isn’t about my life right now. That might cause you more pain. Instead, I wish to begin with a story about where I was last year.

Last Christmas, I went to church with my parents and husband on Christmas Eve feeling low. I had just gotten my period, again, signaling I wasn’t pregnant. Again. But still I went, knowing that I needed to be there. It was rough–I had bumped into a friend who was pregnant via IVF with twins.

Before the service she came up to me to ask how I was doing and give me a hug. I told her I was “dealing with things” and to be polite asked how she was. Her response was “We’re just so blessed!” Did I mention she knew we were struggling? I held it together about three minutes until my dad, who heard the whole thing, leaned over to whisper to me “You’re blessed too, you know.” I felt so conflicted because on the one hand, I didn’t have the ONE thing I desperately craved and couldn’t feel my blessings.  However in my head, I KNEW I was blessed because there I was, sandwiched between the two strongest men I knew–my husband and my dad–and surrounded by family that loved me and friends that encouraged me.  I cried the rest of the service.

Maybe you are there this year.  I don’t know where you are.  But thinking back to my Christmas last year, the Christmas I was at my lowest, I felt like a failure.

Remember the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”?  It is a classic Christmas movie, but it really centers around the fact that George Bailey is suffering a depression and feels the only way out of his miserable life is to commit suicide.  Clarence, the demi-angel, is sent to show him what would be had he never been born, and at the end of the movie, helps George to see that he has quite a bit to live for.  The note he leaves for George is simple–it says, “Remember, no man is a failure who has friends.”

If you can, please look to the loved ones surrounding you this Christmas season, whether it be your family, friends, blogging community or a combination of the three.  Also, please remember your ultimate friend, Jesus, who sees you and remembers you this time of year, and at all times.  Peace be to all of you. You are not failures and you are well loved.

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Thankful.

I’m gonna keep this short and sweet.

First, it is totally OK for you to not totally feel thankful today. I get it–we ALL do.

Secondly, if you can, muster up ONE thing you can be thankful for–it might help you feel better, even if it is that for one day it is ok to drop the fertility diets and eat that second or third helping of (fill in the blank!)

Thirdly, I am thankful for the beautiful community I have found here online. Your support and love have been my lifeline these long lonely years.

Stop reading here if babies are a trigger for you today.

Finally, I am grateful for the birth of my daughter and all the other babies born this year that we’ve been praying for. God is (and continues to be) the giver of all good gifts!

Prayer for you

Sisters, you’re on my heart tonight. The wee hours of the morning are the perfect times to reflect and there are going to be changes here soon. I want this to be a refuge for you, and an encouragement. Tonight, a beautiful prayer.

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Little Miss is here!!

After 28 months of waiting for this little miracle, she is here!!

I began labor in some unfavorable conditions which prevented me morn having a natural, drug free labor. Sunday morning, DH and I tried to get labor going by…well, you know…not expecting much and figuring we’d go to late church. Well, whaddya know–I started having mild contractions 3-4 min apart for 6 hours and stayed home to walk and rest, just in case. Since they weren’t progressing we decided to stay until they got stronger. Well…we waited all day and they eventually stopped.

At 8, my brother called. I talked to him a while and he got me really laughing. At one point, I got up to shift my weight and my water broke!! We headed to the hospital but I was only 2 cm and 50 percent which is not favorable. Plus, my OB was not on call and the one that was I had never met. She also ordered me to be hooked up to an IV, continual monitoring and wanted to start pitocin immediately. No, no, and no!! I wanted my labor to progress naturally. So I rather firmly told her so.

My OB arrived and by that point, I was 4 cm and 80 percent so I gave the OK for pitocin. That got me to 8 cm and 90 percent with painful contractions and brought me to transition in three hours. Then labor stalled there and after a brutal 2 hours, I went for the epidural. Best decision ever. It gave me a chance to nap (hadn’t gotten sleep for 24+ hours) and took the edge off for the hardest part of labor and the pushing. I ended up with an episiotomy too, but in the end, who cares about all that? I have a beautiful, healthy, chubby baby with a full head of glorious dark wavy hair, and avoided a C section, which was my biggest “no” on my birth plan.

DH was an amazing birth partner and is a phenomenal daddy. He loves her so much and I melt when he rocks or swings or shushes her! He took care of me too–bought me a push present!

We chose Hope as her middle name, As a reminder of this journey–God does not disappoint. Praise be to him!

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Chick Fil A

If eating Chick Fil A for breakfast is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. Did you know they BUTTER their chicken biscuits? I didn’t till today and it was delicious! Apparently, from all the wiggling, Little Miss approves of this too.

You may now resume your day.